Wow, so 24 months ago I would never have thought I would be sat here writing this blog post. Actually - let's scrap that - I didn't think I would ever write this at all. After all.. ME? Body confident? What is that? I'll start by saying that being the only female this year was a little daunting. It's always so much easier to lounge around the pool and wear skimpy shorts when you're paired with another female. No mum, no cousin, no friend. Just me, myself and two men. No.. not like that. My dad and younger brother, actually! This is the first holiday ever that I have left packing to the last minute. I usually shop for outfits a few months in advance. This year I didn't give a f*ck. Certainly not the Samantha I know. Anyway, I packed capsule pieces with a few statement evening outfits. I was holy anticipating to abandon anything figure hugging and instead rely on some high waisted shorts 24/7. So I've certainly been doing well. I actually found myself smiling at the fact I struggle to get in and out of my shorts.. not due to weight gain but actually good'ld "booty gain". Hehe. On a serious note, I don't think I actually realised how stressful the British lifestyle is until this holiday. A few days in and I have to say that the sun kissed tan and damp messy hair was making me feel incredibly empowered as a woman. Damn, I felt just too relaxed. I was actually okay making minimal effort and focusing more on each moment I was encountering.You'll see my dedicated photograph collection on instagram. I hand picked the best. Trust me, I've done you a favour. Anyway, nothing is every truly perfect so of course had to encounter the holiday bloat - like we all do. I also had a little bit of a breakout on my face. I started to feel a tad sluggish BUT will happily blame the cocktails for that one, cheers honey! See, now what I learnt is that sometimes compromise needs to be had. I'm enjoying life - all of the sights, smells and sensations; of visiting somewhere new. I'm not overly bothered by how my body has changed from day 1 to day 10; I know what it's capable of and I love it anyway. I have now recognised more than ever just how strict my diet and lifestyle is at home. Gym daily, healthy food with the weekly treats, a job that keeps me on my feet. My body is probably shattered and deserves a break just as much as my mind and soul! 2017 My first holiday body confidentSounds like such an achievement. Well it did, until I got to day 5 and I realised that I forgot to pack continuations of my medication. No antidepressants, anxiety suppressants, no hormone regulation. FUCKFUCKFUCK. All I could think about was this dark cloud of depression and the anxiety-related-agitation finishing me off and compromising the rest of the holiday. How could I be so silly? I spent the next day sleeping by the pool and dozing in and out of sleep in the hotel room. My anxiety about this error had consumed my mind and I had no energy. At home, I would refuse to eat and continue to sleep until the 'nightmare' was over. But, being on holiday with other people removes the luxury of being able to do as you please. I had no choice but to face this battle. I had experienced too much joy so far and I wasn't prepared to lose it all overnight. We had already booked an excursion for the very next day and I knew that I should look at it as an opportunity for distraction instead of 'what could possibly go wrong'. I'm so glad I did. Today proved that as much as I need medication to stabilise my emotional wellbeing - I am strong enough not to be dependent on it. Yes, okay, those of you who are all science-geeks would like me to point out that I probably have enough in my system to miss my doses for a few days. You're right. But, it is also psychological and that is the point I am trying to demonstrate. We stopped at a beach on the excursion. I stripped down to my bikini and emersed myself in the water. I requested a bikini picture. It wasn't until I looked at my camera roll that I realised that for as long as I thought I looked 'bloated' and 'preggers' my body was only a little bit bloated. I still look good. I am still proud of my body. No other holiday compares in regards to the amount of emotional freedom I feel. I'm eating and drinking what I want - when I want. I'm continuing to wear figure hugging clothes and even request the odd photograph in a bikini. The initial capture actually made it to instagram.. like WOW. My body is relaxing and to some extent is getting a tad abused by the free bar. But this is something that is only temporary and the extra chub can quickly be battled at home. Long gone are the memories of being called 'fat' on holiday by my "other half". Gone are the days of deleting all holiday pictures. I am still not looking 110% how I hoped to look but fuck that. I know the gym is waiting for me.. and I know my body deserves a rest. My first experience of being body confident holiday has been a real eye opener. I know that I've only just started working towards who I want to become.
The future looks promising!
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January 2019
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