Okay, so the countdown to Christmas 2017 is finally here and I believe we have 5 weekends to go? Depends on when you get round to reading this post I guess.. and honestly I am dreading Christmas.
For many, Christmas is a time of great happiness, celebrations, and declarations of love between friends and family and loved ones. So I guess it's easy to think that we often overlook how mental health can be affected due to the fact it's not really spoken about. I always feel to put on a front at Christmas and ensure that I do not 'put a downer' on anyone else's day. But this whole post is about recognising your limitations as a human being and working out a plan to manage your health at Christmas. Christmas for me was a big celebration when I was younger. From purchasing the tree, to placing my mothers China angel on the top branch, preparing Christmas dinner and opening stockings at the end of my parents bed; Christmas was always about love and being reminded of the value of life. Don't get me wrong - it still is. During teenage years, this love was extended to friendships whereby we'd complete secret santa, arrange Christmas parties / nights out, everything was a big celebration. Back then, it was impossible not to feel loved and I remember how I was always surrounded by people at Christmas. I was always busy. I always had a plan. I always had tonnes of party outfits and new shoes to debut. Things change when you get older although I'm well aware of exceptions to this rule. This year I can't say I have any plans with friends and that's quite an isolating thought in itself. To be honest, I'm very much aware of my own feelings of lonliness and whilst being rid of toxic relations is a HUGE positive - nothing replaces that seemingly genuine love shared at Christmas. So I guess that leads me to point number one - I dread being asked what my plans are for Christmas and I dread 'catching up' with people after Christmas to realise how lonely mine was. Secondly, I have to mention my elephant in the room - Loss. You don't have to be depressed to understand how loss is more prominent at Christmas time. This year will be the first without my Gran, whom we visited on Christmas Day since I was born. It was round about this time last year that I was wrapping up a Christmas hamper for her and her husband. Unfortunately I never got to give this gift to her, and that still is quite a raw feeling. I'm not quite sure how Christmas will feel this year and/or what it will mean to me. It will be confirmation of loss and a time of recollection I think. I have never been one who deals well with change but unexpected change will always be difficult for anyone I guess. So yes, this year a lot of raw emotions will resurface and that is going to be difficult to process in an environment which is seemingly quite the opposite. That leads me to point number two - Loss is intensified at Christmas. From experience, it's a struggle to deal with and being surrounded by everyone so jolly and drunk, it's hard to express those feelings. It's almost like you have to be happy. I guess what I want to tell you is that THIS IS NOT TRUE. Tell people how you are feeling in advance of the big day - let them know you may need to take an hour out if it's too much for you. After all, its' likely they'll be too merry to realise your absence! Christmas for me is also a time of great reflection and when I am seemingly very self critical of what I have achieved in a year. The main focus is Depression and how it's still very much running through the blood in my veins. I don't always talk about it, nor do I show it; but it affects each of the 365 days each year. People close to me will frequently ask 'is the medication working yet' and say 'I don't think you need it because you're not ill'. That's a difficult conversation to have - and no matter how much people say they understand you can't visibly see mental health, they'll still say you're fit as a fiddle! I think back to not only my mental health but my physical health to - which has itself bought lots of limitations this year and had a profound impact on my wellbeing. I realise the more I dwell - the worse I feel (naturally). But to not see any progress in 2017, means I can't see hope for the year ahead of me and well, that leads me to point number three: I don't like being asked to think about the year ahead because I struggling contemplating the 'now'. As you may expect. sharing your Christmas is also a daunting thing. This year my partner will be spending Christmas at my family home; which also presents challenges. I've never had a friend or partner spend Christmas with us. I'm apprehensive mixed with excited. Opening up my world to someone has never been easy but doing so on such a 'special' day is going to be a big accomplishment itself. Like most people, families have their own dynamics and problems. That's worry number one folks. But, it's more the bigger picture of how my own mood will be during the Christmas period and if it will be ok to take naps during the day due to mental exhaustion. I also don't want to ruin his Christmas - nor anything to ruin it for that matter. Point number four - I'm just a little afraid of the unpredictable at Christmas I guess. Which brings me swiftly on to... Work related stress. Despite classifying this myself as EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT, I wanted to highlight the stress many people feel when trying to 'tidy up' their workload ahead of Christmas. Most years I work right up to Christmas Eve, and being a perfectionist I have to get everything done which includes making a plan -about planning - for the plan on January 1st. The increased amount of stress during the festive period has a notable affect on my wellbeing. You're trying to keep smiling (or singing) whilst running round on a hamster wheel. It's pretty damn difficult. Not to mention having difficult conversations or witnessing deaths during the festive period. It's part and parcel (sorry for the punn) when working in health and social care - but it still affects you. And we Depression warriors are bloody good 'Empaths' too. It's just a shame that stress can often omit us from having time to enjoy the build up to Christmas Day. So my final point is that after Christmas has been and gone; financial issues remain. You're left wondering where you're money went and why you're still unhappy.As I sit typing this, I'm thinking about the gifts I've bought and the ones I'm yet to buy. I know Christmas isn't about who spent what £££ or who bought the best present; but I like to share love and make people happy. I don't know if anyone can relate but Depression brings a whole whirlwind of financial issues itself. If you're not in debt best be sure you're worrying as if you are. And well, if you are in debt (any at all) it consumes your thoughts 24/7 and you can't sleep at night. Anyway, work do's at Christmas - secret santa - family outings - the whole shabang comes with an invoice of its own. And because it's Christmas you can't really say no for fear of having to explain how you'd rather be in bed wearing fluffy socks and watching crappy Netflix box sets. I also think, in my experience, when you're feeling particularly shit you think you're the prince/princess of Sheeba and therefore your credit card is limitless. Yes - it's true and therefore Christmas can be a dangerous time indeed. How to stay healthy at Christmas 1. Have a SOS plan (see my previous blog post) in terms of recognising triggers, behaviours, and how to manage them/their impact 2. Initiate advanced discussions with those closest to you and advise them of reasons why you may take 'time out' and how they can support you 3. Write a diary or jot down thoughts on the 'document app' on your phone. This will help you seperate real & happy thoughts from unrealistic & negative thoughts. 4. Watch your intake - caffeine and alcohol can increase anxiety and depression 5. Maintain physical excersise - good endorphins are never omitted from the menu 6. Don't over commit yourself to events and outings. Be selective and prioritise. Self care is what will keep you balanced. 7. Finances - don't over buy. Create a budget. Ask people for suggestions. Remind yourself that Christmas isn't about the gifts 8. Give yourself love. I am not sure what I want the main message of this blog post to be, that's me be entirely honest with you all. I guess what I wanted to do was air my thoughts about Christmas and highlight why I struggle with it. Maybe, just maybe it will help others realise the impact it can have on people - or maybe it will help you speak up about your health at Christmas time. Who knows? But talking about it is tackling half of the problem so I'll probably bore you throughout 2018 and keep blogging!
1 Comment
|
CategoriesArchives
January 2019
|